Hunted by Megan Spooner: I'm totally not listening to the Beauty and the Beast Soundtrack right now

Hunted 

by 

Megan Spooner

Beauty was raised as a hunter. Her father was the best hunter in the land and was perfectly happy to share his love and knowledge of the forest with his youngest daughter Yeva. Who he calls Beauty for some reason? But if he calls her Beauty in front of people that’s bad? I’ll be honest, I don’t get that part. When the family makes enough money to enter high society they leave the forest for the city which, of course, makes Beauty/Yeva sad.  Cut to a few years later when Yeva is frustrated and confined by the social norms of the times. Because shockingly a lady wearing pants and shooting animals in the face isn’t considered proper at all. Luckily for her she doesn’t have to deal with that for long.

When her father’s poor business decision goes south the family becomes destitute and is forced to move back into the decrepit hunting lodge they grew up in. This suits Yeva just fine. Instead of wearing nice clothes and searching for a husband that will give her a modicum of freedom she can wear pants and shoot arrows through small animals. However, things take a turn for the mysterious when Yeva’s father disappears into the woods and doesn’t come back. Ignoring her sister’s protests that if she should disappear too nobody will be able to feed them Yeva sets off into the woods to find her father. And finds a Beast.

I'm using Beauty and the Beasts gifs, because this book made me sad and theres nobody here to stop me

Characters

Beauty: or Yeva or whatever. I’ll admit it. I thought she was a selfish brat. The whole, I’m a modern girl in a non-modern setting attitude was so cliché I wanted to claw out my own eyeballs. And don’t even get me started on how she was happy that her families fortune was destroyed and her sisters were devastated and her father mad. Why? Because she didn’t have to get married that way! Never mind that one of her sisters was ‘disabled’ and her only hope of getting married (something she desperately wanted to do) was to have a dowry. Or that her other sister was engaged to a man who latterly could not afford to marry her without her money. Well screw them! Yeva can avoid that dreaded thing called marriage and that makes everything okay. Ya know what. I could have dealt with the 21^st century attitude thing if she had at least given a crap about somebody else other than herself and sometimes her father. As long as caring about him let her get dressed in trousers and set off into the woods to save his butt with her skillz.

Beast: was a jerk. What else did I expect. Why does it seem like all subpar retellings try to turn the love interests into some edgy-er, darker version of themselves that turns them into a total creep-fest. I kid you not this was practically the werewolf version of the Beast. As if we needed it to be more ridiculous. Now don’t get me wrong, I won’t deny that the original fairytale doesn’t exactly give a whole of detail on the beasts actual personality. But I will be darned if I choose to imagine him as a freaky wolf-ish fella with little to no personality. Especially since the romance was a romance becaseu the fairytale said so. You know, instead of actual chemistry. Now I’m depressed, I need to watch the Disney version.

Not-Gaston: you know why he’s not Gaston? Well for one he doesn’t get even one awesome song. The real Gaston got two, one being one of the best villain songs ever. 

Second, he’s actually nice. Yep, technically there is no villain in this book. Unless of course you count the beast but I’ve complained enough about him. And when I say nice I mean nice. After Yeva and her sisters move to Ye Olde Fixer Upper Not-Gaston shows up and proposes to Yeva. His conditions for this proposal? She has to pretend to be proper until his adopted father agrees to make him his heir. He says he loves her and that as soon as their future is secured then she can wear trousers and they’ll hunt together propriety be darned! In fact, he’ll even take care of Yeva’s sisters and make sure they’re married to people just as kind as he. And Yeva, the modern, clever little independent woman that she is turns him DOWN! Yeva is an idiot. But that’s a full blown complain down there so I’ll stop.

Likes

Russian fairytales are lovely: I love Russian Fairytales. As a kid, I could never find them at the library but my cousin was adopted from Russia. So, her parents bought her random things about Russia so she could know a little about her original home. One of those things was this book of Russian Fairytales and I would make a point of reading through it whenever I got to visit them. Something about them just caught my attention. Other fairytales had princesses and talking woodland creatures but these had witches and firebirds and mermaids, even magical horses! I adored it! and seeing a few in this book was fun. I hadn’t thought about those stories in a long time. So, at least something good came out of this book.

Dislikes

And y’all thought the Disney Beast locking Belle up was uncomfortable: well let me tell you. Fuzzy wuzzzy over here

➥

has nothing on this creep. 

Mister wolf-Man over here literally broke Beauty’s ribs then chained her up in a dungeon and threatens to kill her family if she doesn't help him break the spell. And I guess miss Independent-Woman finds that attractive because she still falls in love with him. I am so out of here.

Let’s all hate on Marriage because that’s a popular thing nowadays 

I just . . . [sighs from now until kingdom come]. 

Look, I have a pet peeve with 21^st century Morales being stuck into the middle of a medieval setting. It breaks my suspension of disbelief okay. But that’s not terribly important at the moment. Because I’m going to talk about how bloody tired I am of YA books making fun of marriage, people who get married and people who want to get married. Look, if you don’t want to get married fine. Stay single and go shoot arrows into the sunset. I don’t give a crap. But don’t be asinine and make fun of people who do. Because I assure you I plan on getting married. A sentiment that I have been told is stupid.

You think I’m kidding? I literally had a teacher tell me I was archaic because I told him I wanted to get married and save ‘married things’ for being married.

(Wow there was a lot of married in that sentence. I apologize)

Still! A teacher! Told little fifteen or sixteen-year-old me that! And proceeded to make fun of me in front of the class! So if you guys are wondering why this part of the review gets a bit rant-y, you now know why. 

  

But, back to the book. Yeva doesn’t want to get married. Fine. Why? No reason. Just that marriage makes her feel icky. Okay I can respect that. What I can’t respect is her thinking other girls are stupid for wanting to get married. Including her sisters. And what I certainly will not stand for is her selfishly refusing to marry Not-Gaston when he is literally giving her everything she could ever want and supporting the rest of her family to boot! I just. Are you STUPID! Not-Gaston doesn’t even really want a wife! He just wants somebody who will hunt with him and who can put together a relatively long sentence! And he’ll protect your sisters and WHAT! I. Don’t. Get. It.  and Yeva can literally go jump in a lake for being a rat to everybody else about marriage. I know I for one wanted to push her in.  

Can you tell this book pissed me off? Good because I’m done. This review is boiling my blood. I need to go watch the happy Beauty and the Beast.