Marie Antoinette, Serial Killer by Katie Alender: I'm a fool of a Took guys . . .

Marie Antoinette, Serial Killer 

by 

Katie Alender

Why did I think this book was a good idea? Look at the cover! Look at the Title! Despite the title and fairly horrendous cover I picked it up anyway. Because I am a fool of a Took. 

The blurb promised crooked Parisian streets, and food, and a murderous ghost, so . . . I figured it was at least worth a try? For the ghosts at least. I mean a Parisian romp with a dead serial killer who chops off people’s heads. What’s not to love? 

Everything. I guess I kind of got what I expected.

The Characters

Colette 

If I had to spend one more second with this protagonist I think I would have beheaded her myself. It’s blunt and frankly a terrible thing to say but true. 

Colette was a brat. Look I am all for having characters that are outside of the ‘oh no I’m so socially outcast and alone’ norm but just . . . not like this. Can we have just one character that is popular because they’re actually nice? 

Anyway Colette was a broke girl trying to pretend to be rich and fabulous so she can fit in with her equally rich and fabulous friends. And breaking her mom’s back with a trip to Paris without so much as a thank you. Her job was to be a complete jerk and then moan in her head ‘but I don’t want to be this way’ or ‘but on the inside I’m okay’ 

well about you act like it lady instead of just saying it? Colette and I were not friends.

Jules

I don’t know if I actually like Jules or if I’m just really glad it wasn’t the somehow even more cliché model guy.  

Jules was a tour guide, for some reason or another, and he ends up dating/courting/Who-Knows Colette, again for some reason or another. I didn’t necessarily like him but I didn’t despise him like I did Colette so at least he’s got that going for him.

Armand

Colette! You know there is a serial killer wandering around Paris okay. You know what’s not a good idea? Chatting up the dude that you literally met in a back alleyway, alone, in the dark. 

Do you have a death wish!?

 Anyway Armand was a sleaze-bag, everybody could see it except for Colette. On a side note what is it with describing dudes as a lion? ‘Scuse you sir Aslan had wonderful eyes and a ‘luscious mane’ way before you.

Audrey

 I’d say that she was here as a juxtaposition to Colette or maybe Colette’s friends but I don’t think I could justify the use of such a complicated word. Audrey didn’t care about everything Colette would die for and dressed like, well a normal person. At least I thought a sweatshirt and sweatpants were normal for a plane ride. Come on guys it’s like fifteen hours in the same seat. No sane person would wear jeans on that.

What I liked

The end was pretty cool: though if somebody could explain this ghosts powers to me that would be great. I mean one minute it’s the usual hovering and making things fly around and the next thing she was making somebody play an instrument against their will?

 How? Still it was decently interesting. Though doubt that a women who was torn away from her husband and children and got her head chopped off would stop because of an apology. No matter how heartfelt it was I’m not buying it.

I kind of want to go visit Paris now: Though I can see some problems with you know not being able to speak a word of French.

What I didn’t like

The people who got murdered: This is going to take a bit of explaining including spoilers so be forewarned.

All the people getting decapitated are part of a secret society who took blood oaths to protect Marie Antoinette. 

I don’t think blood oaths were really a thing during the French revolution but whatever. 

Anyway these people allegedly sold out the Queen and her family in order to save their own wife/husband/children etc. So now the Queen is back from the grave and murdering the descendants of said secret society.

That’s all fine and good but the worst part is that every single descendant was an utterly despicable human being. 

I don’t know if that’s because the author didn’t want the ghost offing innocent people but it was just really hard to believe. 

 Colette is portrayed as the only nice one of the bunch (I’ve already expressed my disagreement with that statement enough) and it seems like it’s because her ancestor, the one who betrayed the Queen, felt bad about it in the end? 

Am I the only one who felt like the book was unintentionally suggesting that your blood and your ancestors determined who you were? Maybe I am who knows.

Colette: everybody knows why.

It was just really petty: For a book with ‘serial killer’ in the title most of the narrative was taken up with completely childish things. Just the nonsensical fluff that populates at least forty percent of teen books in the world.  Even the big showdown between Colette and her ‘friends’ was a bit sparse and a tiny bit boring.

So in the end I’m glad I didn’t come into this with to high expectations. There were some interesting parts, there always are, but most of the time I was resisting the urge to skim pages and rolling my eyes a lot. At least I can say that I’m not too disappointed but I’m still unimpressed. 

current verdict